Total Review score: Out of 25 pints of beer
Subscores:
Director: does the movie make sense? Are there weird scenes that could’ve been left out of the overall story? Do I learn from the movie? One pint: who hired the director?
Two pints: not worth renting
Three pints: could be worth renting/opportunity to make out with gf.
Four pints: worth buying
Five pints: cult movie status
One pint: “what’s this? An acting coach?”
Two pints: noticeably bad. short of wanting to kick him in the balls
Three pints: ok. Doesn’t make your gf want to date him
Four pints: a presence in the movie. Solid actor
Five pints: Jack Bauer immortality status
Actress: talented?
One pint: something just horribly off about her
Two pints: fits the role
Three pints: she’s hot
Four pints: you want to date her
Five pints: you want to marry the girl
Strength of Masculinity : is the movie appropriate for a straight male to watch? Or is it a chick flick? Lots of action, violence. Or cheesy girly stuff?
One pint: brokeback mountain type movie. Way too gay.
Two pints: gay innuendo
Three pints: ok to watch by yourself. Decent action sequences
Four pints: your gf will stay even though its heavy on masculinity
Five pints: call a stripper
Plot strength/Originality on screenplay: is the script original? Exciting? Doesn’t take three cups of coffee to make it through the end? Interest is steady throughout the movie?
One pint: ho-hum…where are my study materials?
Two pints: ok movie. No originality.
Three pints: personal contemplation on some level.
Four pints: engaging to talk to your buddies about it.
Five pints: groundbreaking. Corporations will do spin offs.
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